Tick....Tick....Tick....!


Posted by: Alex on Aug 31, 2010

Yikes!  This morning it was 43 degrees Fahrenheit where I live, and also the first day of September.  Does this mean that July has come and gone?  The realization we are now in the last 2 minutes of the last quarter of the final throes of summer always gives me a jolt.  Invariably I look back at the previous months and do a quick scan of my summer activities with the inevitable question:  was I able to do all that I had hoped for and needed?

This modest review is always bittersweet.  The wonderful and satisfying experiences I had in these months are soon crowded out by an embarrassing litany of the “If only’s....”  If only we could’ve traveled more!  If only I could’ve had more time for water coloring!  If only.......,  if only......

And so, more often than not, there always seems to be a nagging sense of regret and sadness.  The clock just ran out and the game hasn’t finished yet!   Rats!

But if I’m honest and am aware of my self on a deeper level, I must admit that often there just never seems to be “enough” for me.  And not just of summer activities, but all kinds of things in my life:  financial resources, relationship time, solitude, job satisfaction,  you name it and there just hasn’t been enough!

And if I continue to be honest in my self-reflection, I have to ask why is this such a pattern for me?  After more than a few years, I do have some answers, but that perhaps is better left for another blog.  If you share my affliction, how do you cope with and own that “never enough” syndrome (a play on words?)?

Our 2010 theme at Faith Lutheran is “Consider the Source--for Courage to Change.” I wish there were some magic pills to release me from this tension within.  Nevertheless, I have come to see that when I am able to draw closer to that Beloved Source, something changes with my perceptions and appreciations.  I seem to become more grateful.  I become more aware.  I wake up!  And that to me becomes a life-giving breath of wellness, reducing my whining--somewhat.  I’ve believe I’ve begun connecting the dots, but have a long way to go.  May I, may all of us, continue moving and growing in that direction.........

Pastor Alex